Another April Fool's Day

March 31, 2019

Tomorrow, April Fool's Day, I will, once again, force my marriage a little closer to the point of irreparable damage.

How I see myself on April Fool's Day.

When Jo was a kid, her mother would wake her and her brother every April 1 by hollering, "It's snowing! It's snowing!" Jo and David would jump out of beds, run to their windows and see a typical spring morning.

I've never been sure exactly why this was funny. But, to honor the memory of her mother, I do it to Jo every April.

And she hates it. She reeeally hates it.

But it's a tradition. Tomorrow morning, I'll get up before Jo does, open the dining room curtains and wait for her to wake up. Because the dark curtains in the bedroom will be closed, she won't notice the sunny morning outside.

After Jo comes out of the bedroom, she may stop to visit the bathroom or she may walk straight down the hall to the dining room. My timing here is critical. I need to deliver my line (updated for a new century: "Holy shit, it's snowing!") just as she's about to enter the dining room, not so late that she can see out the window, but not so soon that she has the opportunity to think things over.

How my wife sees me on
April Fool's Day.

It is difficult to explain how much Jo hates this joke. I've pulled it on her every year since we moved into this house in 2002 and every year, she reacts a little more poorly. Originally, she wouldn't speak to me for a few hours after the event; more recently the cold silence has echoed through the house for the entire day. I have no idea what to expect this year, but if the ever-deteriorating trajectory continues, it'll be pretty bad..

The exercise of humor is not always gentle or risk-free. The humorist is a gambler. The response to his efforts can be merry and gay or lethal and unforgiving. Casualties are not uncommon.

But we do what we have to do.