About Frank

Columns, Regular Features
  • Columnist, Rock Island Argus and Moline Dispatch, 2007- . I'm certainly not the first humorist to write about life along the Mississippi, but, on the other hand, who remembers Samuel Twain, or Mark Clemens, or whatever his name was?
  • Columnist, Times Record, Aledo, Illinois, 2007-2009. Rumors of my tragic death abound -- how to maintain your dignity in a small town full of your wife's old boyfriends -- a weekend in Wisconsin turns into a nightmare of washed-out roads and questionable dairy products.
  • Contributing Editor and Featured Writer, Baby Boomer Humor, Suite101.com, 2003-2005. These short features have been republished at aginghipsters.com and shamelessly stolen by brazen pirates across the web.
  • Correspondent, Leger Lines (US Navy Music Program quarterly). My articles covering transfers, promotions and duty assignments were enjoyed in the early '80s by Navy musicians worldwide, until I began providing this information in rhyming dactylic tetrameter. Evidently, my commanding officer's sense of propriety was not informed by episodes of "McHale's Navy" and "M*A*S*H."
  • Staff Humorist, The Alligator’s Bugle, Franconia College, New Hampshire. In the '70s, college newspapers around the country were urging sit-ins, protests and strikes. At the Alligator’s Bugle, I was promoting knock-knock jokes. My solution to campus unrest? Mandatory afternoon nap time. My column was widely-discussed, and as a freshman, I was honored to have my work called “sophomoric.”
Performance Writing
  • Theater and Revue
    • Writer and music director of cabaret show "Broadway to Blues," 1993-1994, metropolitan Washington, D.C. area.
    • Sketch writer and music director for comedy road show, The Soup Troupe, 1972-74.
  • Broadcast
    • Broadcast production element writer, 1984-present. Jingles “It’s Time for Sock” (2006) and “Tony Snow, Tony Snow, Tony Snow” (2007) were highlights of the nationally-syndicated "Stephanie Miller Show."
    • Writer, co-host of television news and commentary program, "Do You Care?" 1980s, NAB, Norfolk, VA. Timely sports coverage include the schedule for the Marine Corps' live-fire beach landings next to the seventh hole on the golf course.
    • Co-writer and co-host of radio talk and comedy program, "The Big Chucker and Frankie Show," 1970s, WOMB, Franconia, NH. The 12-3 AM show was so popular that everyone came to the studio to watch, creating a home listening audience of approximately zero.
Books and other publications 

In a parallel life in which I act like an adult, earn respect and don't have a bald spot the size of a Frisbee:
  • I’ve co-edited two books of music with John Patykula of Virginia Commonwealth University: "Music for Flute and Guitar" (Mel Bay: Pacific, MO, 2001), and "Twenty Easy Pieces for Two Guitars" (Peermusic Classical: New York-Hamburg, 2006).
  • My classical guitar compositions are published by Canadian publisher Les Éditions Doberman-Yppan, including "Nashville Noël," 2002, and "Old Dominion Echoes," 2005.
  • I wrote and edited a number of military technical manuals of little interest to people who are not military musicians, and even less interest to those who are.
    Education
    • I graduated from Franconia College, NH, in 1971 with a Bachelor of Arts in Theatre. Grades? I don't got no stinkin' grades. The college operated on a "pass/fail" system, while the students operated on a "cut classes/drop classes" system.
    • My Master of Music degree in Composition was awarded by Virginia Commonwealth University in 1997. At this reality-based institution, I studied with musicians of international renown and earned straight "A"s, a merit scholarship and induction into Phi Kappa Phi. College is way different when you're a grownup.