Sunday, July 13, 2014

It Happened at the Fair and I Hope We All Survive.

The County Fair supplied us with a lot more than the usual prize pigs and blue-ribbon pie recipes this year.

A few nights ago, the 2013 Fair Queen turned over her crown to her successor. As the retiring queen walked off the stage, the love of her life got down on one knee and proposed marriage.

Wide smiles and good cheer abounded, but I wouldn't put money on the public joy lasting long. Because both of them, the outgoing queen and her intended, are women. It's legal here in Illinois, don'tcha know.

A friend of mine was there and is certain that most folks, like her, mistook it for a traditional, if rather public, hetero proposal. And why not? The outgoing queen was in her gown, her love had short hair and was wearing trousers.

Social media quickly came alive with commentary, pretty much what you'd expect: it's sick, it's wonderful, it's sin, it's none of your business. Aside from that, the public furor has been comparatively minor. But believe me, it's gonna become major in a few days.

Because there's more to come. My wife is a Googler Par Excellence (GPE). Internet research is her game, and she's adept at ferreting out info, locating the lost and finding the forbidden. She's uncovered a bit of news that the local press, radio and small-town grapevine haven't yet made public:

The outgoing queen's girlfriend, to whom she is now engaged, is transgendering from male to female.

If you live in New York or L.A., you're probably saying, "And?" But that's not what we're saying around here. Believe me.

Here's my two cents on the subject:

Cent One: How tacky. A marriage proposal is one of the most serious events in your life. It's not a midway sideshow. For God's sake, people, is there left no decorum? No propriety? A touch of class, no matter how minuscule?

Cent Two: I don't make the rules about other peoples' marriages. If they're happy, I'm happy. It's none of my beeswax, and if I don't understand it, who cares?

Still, I don't get all the nuances. Outgoing Queen is in a same-sex relationship. This means she's gay, right?  No problem, except the woman she's marrying is becoming a man. Does that turn the queen straight?

No. Person A's sexual identity does not change Person B's sexual orientation.

I think.

But, then, whom is the Outgoing Queen engaged to, the woman she loves, or the man the woman is becoming, and will he still be a lesbian? Was that even a sentence?

As I say, it doesn't matter to me. Times are tough around here, and if these two want to hitch up and fight the battle together, I'm all for it.

And battle there will be. Because those who have already been offended by hearing about a same-sex marriage proposal in front of God and everybody at the County Fair will be doubly-offended hearing about a same-sex marriage proposal from a transgendering male to a lesbian in front of God and everybody at the County Fair.

This will barely register on my sympathy meter. Taking offense is a choice. When your stomach turns at the thought of things that have nothing to do with you, hurt no one and spread a little joy into the dark corners, you deserve the cramps.

Fortunately, there's a simple remedy. Add one teaspoon of mind your own business to a cup of grow up, shake well and take as needed.

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